Wow where do I begin..
So much has happened since the last time I posted I started to lose motivation for my blog but have since decided to start it back up and why not kick it off with the biggest event that has happened and the best thing to ever happen to me which was having my beautiful daughter who is now 12 weeks old! Time is just going way to quickly but each and everyday I spend with my little family I just think to myself that I am so lucky and proud of us.

So lets go back three months ago when I was 39 weeks pregnant and pretty much doing anything I could to bring on labour and I mean anything haha. I tried all the old wives tales including eating spicy food, going for walks everyday which was extremely tiring and still being in summer the heat was absolutely horrible, I tried a massage chair having to get off halfway through because I thought surely this cant be good! Then last but not least I tried the exercise ball every night I would sit in our tiny lounge room and bounce up and down trying to bring on labour.. Daniel thought it was quite hilarious to watch.

By Monday I reached 40 weeks being bubs due date which was the 12.3.18, the whole time I was pregnant I thought I would go early and everyone seemed to thing so to. All day I was having contractions on and off so I definitely knew it was going to be soon. It hit 10pm that night and I was literally crippling over in pain. I remember googling all week "early labour signs' 'when will I know i'm in labour' and sure enough once it gets to that point where your crippling over on the floor in pain.. you just know.

Daniel thought it was definitely time to go to the hospital but I refused, I wanted to labour at home for a while and not get up to the hospital and be sent straight back home. Once it hit 12am we packed the rest of our hospital items and took the 10 minute drive there. I got to the hospital and was checked by the midwife sure enough I was 4cm dilated and ready to be taken to labour and delivery. At this point the contractions were getting really intense I tried to stand up off the bed to relieve some of the pain and get myself over to the birthing suite but my god the contractions were horrible!

Once finally getting to suite it was around 3am and I was begging for the epidural I felt like I couldn't handle the pain. I was disappointed in myself because from the start I said no epidural but when it came to it I just couldn't. I got into my gown and waited for the anaesthesiologist just getting off the bed at this point was the biggest mission. The contractions started getting stronger and more painful by this point I was starting to throw up between contractions. They finally gave me the IV fluids and some nausea medication to help with the throwing up.. it did nothing.

At 6am the midwife broke my waters to speed up the labour, STILL NO EPIDURAL..
Daniel was getting frustrated and kept asking when they were going to give it to me, I swear they delayed it on purpose so I couldn't have it. I think by about 7am they finally came in to give it to me after literally 4 hours. I sat up on the bed but prior to this my midwife said she wanted to check to see how dilated I was. The anaethesiologist came in and I told her that the midwife just wanted to check me first before I had it. WHAT DO YOU KNOW she checked me and yep 10cm dilated meaning it was to late! I hadn't even had gas to relieve some of the pain because I was being sick. I was so scared at this point I was holding onto Daniel's shirt saying "I can't do this, I don't want to do this". I was literally so scared to start pushing. It hit 8am and my body just all of a sudden began pushing as I was having contractions. I pushed for 10 minutes and she was out everything just went so quick from pushing to then having my beautiful daughter on my chest. Daniel was hysterical I have never ever seen him like that it was the happiest moment of our lives and what we had waited 9 long months for!!

Safiya (pronounced like sa-fire) Rose Glanville entered the world at 8:10am 13.3.18 weighing 7 pound and 46cm. She came out her eyes wide open looking up at me no crying nothing I even asked "is she breathing?" then she took a breath and let out a little cry. Being so overwhelmed I didn't cry I held her on my chest and felt her warmth it was the most amazing moment and like everyone says all the pain you've just endured is all worth it and you forget all about it. The afterbirth well now that's a different story and I don't want to go in depth with that because it is pretty gross hahah.

After passing all of her tests, meeting all of our family, having numerous photos taken and getting dressed into her going home outfit we were finally ready to leave the hospital. I was so adamant about not staying over night as I absolutely hate hospitals and since having a normal birth with no complications they were able to send us home at 5pm.

So that is my birth story and the best day of our lives, all pain aside! I am considering doing another post on the after birth recovery but it is quite intense haha. Thank you for reading this if you have made it to the end, I will be continuing to update my blog more regularly and posting a lot more!!

So this topic just crossed my mind randomly, I remember it circulated around Youtube for a while on people trying them out and trying to get in contact with paranormal entities. 

The Ouija board came into existence as a parlour game in the 1800's, describing the Ouija board as instruments which were to open communications with the spirit world. 

So if you have never used an Ouija board its pretty straight forward, a group sits around the boards placing two fingers each on what is known as a planchette, when i was in the 6th grade myself and a group of friends did this as a 'joke' not knowing the full meaning behind them and being the experimental teens we were we decided why not give it ago. (side note - we got the board off my mum although I don't think it was an actual wooden board) Sitting around the table we began asking questions, I swear I felt movement but really I thought to myself its probably all of us just attempting to move it to scare one another, I remember a big gust of wind coming past us although at the time we had no windows or doors open so we were a little freaked out on where it would have came from. We also had a candle lit and within about 2 minutes of using the board the candle went out and that was it from us no way were we continuing and being absolutely scared shitless we jumped up and ran straight out into the light as we were sitting in a dark room! Other then that nothing to extreme really happened and now when I think about it, it somewhat creeps me out and what danger it could have possessed if we had continued. 

I fully believe now that these boards are not something to play around with, even though people have made them seem pretty harmless and then again if you have watched some videos on youtube like me then you'll think otherwise.

The question is is it a result of subconscious manipulations by the "players", communication with the supernatural, or a combination. Even psychologists acknowledge it works and believe it can provide access to the unconscious.

I also believe that when using the board you are literally opening up a door and allowing spirits in, I also think they aren't good spirits. The act of touching the planchette of the Ouija Board is a possible invitation to spirit possession. The more involved a person becomes by spending time and effort in communicating the spirit the more chance of possession.  If a person is spiritually sensitive, they can be affected by a spirit influence by being in the same room while an Ouija Board is being worked.

So what do you guys think?? real.. or fake. 

Yep we're having a baby! 
It's so crazy and surreal but we are over the moon and so excited to be experiencing this new chapter of life together and starting a little family.
So I wanted to do a blog post obviously announcing that I was pregnant but also the symptoms I have been having, when I found out and of course some photos from the ultrasounds.

FINDING OUT
So I can't remember which day it was exactly I think it may have been a Monday morning I felt a little nausea when driving to work which I didn't think much of, I had already missed my period but it was never on time anyway so I didn't worry to much, I arrived at work and was on the floor for about and hour when I got this sudden urge to be sick. I came back out thinking that it was strange because I'm never sick just a one off if I'm sick then it lasts the whole day..
My friends at work joked around about being pregnant which didn't really cross my mind.
All day I was thinking about it and new straight away once I finished my shift I would be going to buy a test right away. Sure enough I got home took the test and boom the first line appeared clear as day I placed the test down walked away and came back about 5 minutes later to find another faint line had appeared.
I grabbed the test and stared at it in complete shock I didn't believe what I was seeing, I walked up to the chemist which is legit only a 2 minute walk from my house. Purchased the clear blue test and sure enough it came up positive.

TELLING MY PARTNER
I thought about how I would tell Daniel and waited until I had the Wednesday off from work to put together a little box to surprise him. I filled a box with the positive tests, a little newborn jumpsuit, a beanie and some baby socks. I waited so long for him to arrive home from work that day and soon as he got home I handed him the box. He opened it up and of course he was shocked to he couldn't believe it asking me if it was real! He had a huge smile and we both gave each other a massive cuddle and continued to celebrate our excitement.

ULTRASOUNDS
6 weeks
I had my first ultrasound to detect the heartbeat and measured at 6 weeks and 3 days with 1096bpm, on the way out from the ultrasound Daniel bent down to pick something up off the ground he had found a small heart bracelet and gave it to be saying it was a sign that everything was going to go well and that we had found the heartbeat at the ultrasound, I have kept the bracelet in my car ever since.

8 weeks
My next scan was at 8 weeks which I had gone to alone just to check that everything was still okay and if there was a stronger heartbeat and sure enough a heartbeat of 158bpm. I could only see a really small dot on the screen but my love for our baby was growing stronger and stronger. (Not a very clear photo as I took a video and screen shot this from it)

12 weeks
I recently had my 12 week scan and everything was measuring perfectly, it was amazing this time to be able to see our bub moving around and to be able to see the head, feet, hands, nose, legs and arms we both had a little tear as we watched he/she kicking around! Heartbeat was 151bpm.

SYMPTOMS
Now here are my symptoms! Starting from when I had first found out i was pregnant.

• Nausea, morning sickness and horrible night sickness!
• Extremely exhausted every single day through the first trimester, I was falling asleep really early at night and taking naps during the day before I was pregnant I would never nap.
• Waking up around 3am every night for a few weeks straight, along with having weird vivid dreams and nightmares.
• My cravings!! I had the strongest cravings for sour lollies anything sour I wanted, salt and vinegar chips was another big one, lots of fruit juice and anything salty pretty much kfc, mcdonalds all the unhealthy things oh and fish and chips!!!
• Sore boobs omg it was the worst and extremely cold feet!
• I wasn't turned off any foods just didn't like the smell of garlic or chicken cooking, and I started to really enjoy vegetables which I wasn't much of a fan before I fell pregnant.
• Extreme bloating!!! this hasn't gone away what so ever.
• Mood swings, didn't feel like myself probably from all the hormones.
• Was pretty much hungry 24/7 up until around 12 weeks, which has gotten so much easier now I'm in the second trimester. 

We have purchased and been given tonnes of baby stuff already and I will being doing a haul showing you some thing we have brought in my next post we are patiently and eagerly waiting for the 18-20 week scan in 3 weeks time to find out the gender and to see how everything is coming along and how bub is growing which I seriously can't wait for!!

So what is your opinion on aliens or also known as extraterrestrial life?
Lately this has really got me thinking and with all the evidence, videos, sightings, documentaries I'm finding it really hard not to believe that we are the only form of life. The government and media have a way of making us believe that they are indeed fake.

Extraterrestrials (ET’s) have been visiting us for a long time, and government officials and witness testimonies have consistently reiterated this to the public. Mainstream media has sort of made ET/UFO phenomena into a joke through heavy propaganda, which is strange given the fact that there’s so much evidence in support of it.

Over the past years there has been 150000 recorded UFO sightings "from an ‘alien autopsy’ video dating back to 1995 to a video of fighter jets apparently chasing a UFO over the M5, there are hundreds of videos which people claim are proof of alien life."

What have NASA said about aliens?

NASA are the experts in space activity, but they remain very confidential and secret when it comes to alien life. Recently they were forced to deny claims from hacking group Anonymous — that an alien announcement was imminent (about to happen).

Sightings 

Recently I watched a documentary on Netflix called the Extraordinary: The Stan Romanek Story' and it really opened my eyes and gave me a another perspective on extraterrestrial life. I feel like from this documentary it is far from fake and definitely recommend watching it if you want to look deeper into these theories and conspiracies. It has lots of evidence, videos and phone calls all recorded by him personally. Give it a watch a let me know what you think??

MEN IN BLACK

If you are unsure of the men in black and only know of them from the movie, here is a definition of what they are claimed to actually be "men in black (MIB) are supposed men dressed in black suits who claim to be government agents who harass or threaten UFO witnesses to keep them quiet about what they have seen. It is sometimes implied that they may be aliens themselves. The term is also frequently used to describe mysterious men working for unknown organisations, as well as various branches of government allegedly designed to protect secrets or perform other strange activities."

The men in black are described as wearing black suits, being expressionless, cold and sinister. Apparently they only contact two kinds of people, those who have seen a UFO or those who research UFO's.

Side note: While I have been writing this blog post I have lost connection, my computer closed the web page and also didn't allow me to upload certain photos.. weird right haha. 

People claim that when they come into contact they present themselves as members of a secret organisation sometimes showing a white card with the word 'security' on it and referring to each other by number not by name. Claiming to use scare tactics into people keeping their mouths shut from what they have witnessed. 

I need to show you some of the encounters as they are super interesting!! So firstly 

1. Harold Dahl (1947)

Harold was out on his boat, when he claimed to have seen six doughnut shaped objects in the sky one of the objects fell apart spilling debris which killed his dog and injured his son. When he tried to take photos of the debris to document he said they were later fogged over by a man in black who told him not to speak of what had happened. 

2. Robert Richardson (1967)

While driving Robert claimed that he had collided with a UFO. However on impact the object vanished after the crash he took home a small piece of metal that he believed was from the UFO. One week later Robert said he was visited by two men in black suits who asked for the piece of metal he had collected. When Richardson informed them he had already given the piece of metal to authorities for testing, he said they threatened his wife. He did not hear from the men again after that, and he had no idea how they could have known about the piece of metal.

3. Dan Aykroyd (2002)

Dan sold a series to the sci fi channel called 'out there' which would break serious ground around the topics of aliens, ufo's, abductions and crop circles. He was on a break during interviews for the show and stepped outside he saw a black ford sedan with a man in black standing outside it. He looked away for a brief moment and when he looked back the car was gone. Two hours after the car disappeared, Dan was given bad news from the producers. He said, "We were told not to continue taping and that the show was cancelled and none of them would air."

4. Shane Sovar (2004)

Hotel manager Shane Sovar and a security guard reported seeing a large triangular UFO outside the building. A group called the Aerial Phenomenon Investigations Team looked into the incident. They (along with three other witnesses) reported that a couple weeks later, two unidentified Men in Black visited the hotel. The men in black terrified the hotel staff and were looking for Sovar and the security guard. Luckily they were not in the hotel at the time although the security cameras happened to catch them on footage!! Sovar said the hotel guests described the men as tall with black suits, identical faces, no eyebrows or eyelashes, and extremely pale skin.

So who are the men in black?? Are they a government agency trying to cover something up?, are they aliens? we have no idea and it may never be solved..

Check out this video as it has more encounters of the MIB I only mentioned a few as these ones particularly intrigued me!

WHAT IS THE MANDELA EFFECT?

This topic is so intriguing to me so I thought why not give you guys an insight if you don't already know what it is, or if you are as baffled and curious as I am.

In 2010, a paranormal enthusiast named Fiona Broome claimed she remembered the news coverage of Nelson Mandela’s tragic death in a South African prison during the 1980s.

When she shared this thought with a group of people, many of them said they remembered this event taking place, or learnt about it in school. Only that never happened. Mandela was alive at the time they apparently vividly recalled this. He died in December 2013, three years after Broome first voiced her theory.

"Mandela is one of the most commonly discussed celebrities who has been seen alive after having been reported dead."

Broome argues these “shared memories” that have no present evidence of ever occurring could be due to the existence of parallel universes that intertwine and collide. 

PARALLEL UNIVERSES? 

A parallel universe is a hypothetical self-contained reality co-existing with one's own. 

The multiverse is a theory in which our universe is not the only one, but states that many universes exist parallel to each other. These distinct universes within the multiverse theory are called parallel universes.

While the terms "parallel universe" and "alternative reality" are generally synonymous and can be used interchangeably in most cases, there is sometimes an additional connotation implied with the term "alternative reality" that implies that the reality is a variant of our own.

Definitely look further into this as there is sooo much evidence and information to get a better understanding.

Anyway on to the interesting part which will really get your brain thinking! As it did mine, some of these really shocked me. 

Starting off, probably most of you watched 'Looney Toons" as a kid right? or are well aware of it and can visualise the logo in your head?  it’s actually spelt “Looney Tunes”. And always has been. It never changed, there’s zero evidence to suggest it was spelt any other way whaaaat..

Did kit kat have a dash in the logo? Apparently it never has and never will..

Now this one shook me.. "Luke, I am your father.." We all know that iconic line. It’s actually, “No, I am your father,” and this is one thing that has absolutely never changed in any of the editions of the film that have been released since 1977. 

No way!

Can't forget this one.. 

Crocodile Dundee - 1986

I remember..

Well that's wrong because he says and always said.. "that's not a knife, that's a knife."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p665dBeJ7ks 

Many people recall the tip of Pikachu from Pokemon tail being black. But if you have another look at a picture of him, there’s no black mark on his tail... 

Curious George never had a tail?!

The all famous quote from Forrest Gump

People recall him saying that his mama would always say 

‘Life is like a box of chocolates.’ 

The truth be told, he actually said 

‘Life was like a box of chocolates’. Although this goes against what you probably very clearly remember, it didn’t happen this way. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJh59vZ8ccc

This one you will definitely have to agree with me.. 

The famous quote from the film Snow White that you’ve probably said yourself or at least heard others say, is of course 

‘Mirror, mirror on the wall,’’ 

But what had actually been said in the film was 

‘Magic mirror on the wall’. 

I have done so much research on this one but still can't fathom that i cannot find anything that has it saying "mirror mirror"..

Anyone remember exactly how people were in the car when President Kennedy was shot? Most people would answer four; But in actual fact, there were six people. This is one the biggest examples of the Mandela Effect.  The car was definitely only a 4-seater, but if you take a look now anywhere it’s a 6-seater...

What are your thoughts on the Mandela effect?? A lot of people, including myself, feel like our Mandela Effect experiences are a result of shifting into an alternate reality. 

Where is missing teen Zac Barnes? a question that his family are desperate to know.
I'm starting something new to my blog to raise awareness for missing persons around Australia and to bring more attention to these cases. As information is vital and if I can help spread the word anyway i can then I will.

Zac Barnes 18 years old, was last seen on the 13th of November (Sunday) getting out of his friend's car and running off into bushland in a distressed state.
The apprentice bricklayer had appeared fine earlier during the day before something triggered him wanting to leave his friend's house. He was supposedly heading to Thornton railway station to see his brother. On the way to the station at around 8pm Zac asked his friend to stop the vehicle he then got out of the car and ran off near the intersection of Haussman Drive and Tripp close.
He has not been seen or heard from since, has not used social media, has no money or phone and failed to return to work Monday morning.

Zac is described as being of Caucasian appearance around 182-185cm tall with brown hair and brown eyes he also has a distinct tattoo on his right calf of a VB logo.

On Sunday, his worried mother Karen Gudelj, and step-father Mick Gudelj, led a group of more than 50 concerned friends and relatives to search an area surrounding the Metford railway station. This search, like another police and SES-led search at Thornton last November, did not find Zac.

Police conducted a search with a helicopter and multiple searches have been held by family, friends, the community and public. Zac was last seen wearing a blue singlet, shorts, and steel cap work boots. There have been numerous amounts of sightings reported around Australia in the 30 weeks of Zac's disappearance although none of them were Zac and were all investigated by police.

"None of the residents have seen him, he hasn't hitchhiked, he hasn't gotten on a train said his mother Karen". She also said "We don't know where he could be and we really don't know why or what kind of mental state he was in." Zac was well liked had lots of friend's and it was just unlike him to disappear. Also he had tremendous love for his family and siblings. 

There have been lots of posts made on the 'Official Family Page - Find Zac Barnes' on Facebook questioning Zac's disappearance. 

One person wrote.. 

Claiming that the people he was with prior possibly may know more information. Lot's of people also say that there is definitely someone who knows more but are covering it up/hiding the information they know. 

I have also seen circulating comments and posts of people claiming he may have been under the influence of drugs which we do not know!! Nobody knows, Karen responded to the question "is there drugs involved?" "I don't know" "Was he an addict?" "No he wasn't but most likely experimented" "He did drink and he did owe money but only a small amount."

I know he would not just run off - the herald story

“I will never lose hope, hope is always there but it is hard because I know my son, and I know he would not have just run off,’’ Mrs Gudelj said..

“So I fear he is being held against his will or has met with foul play or there has been an accident.

“I don’t think he could harm himself because he cared too much about what people thought.

“We had spoken about suicide, in a broad sense, in the past and he was well aware of the grief that it left behind.

“He even said to me once: “I wouldn’t do that. Everyone would hate me”.

This is the Facebook page that has over 20000 followers and is active every single day bringing awareness to Zac's case and hopefully closer to bringing him home.

Official Family Page - Find Zac Barnes

 There is also a Go Fund me Page - https://www.gofundme.com/7t3xd6-help-find-zac-barnes

"Police are working really hard to find Zac but we need to create national awareness to help find him. The money raised will be used get Zacs story out there by creating media and marketing exposure, tv commercials , transport marketing, posters, banners. We need to keep Zac 's face and story in the public eye. Someone out there knows what happened to Zac and we need your help to find them." 

If you would like to donate I have left the link above the image for people to go to.

Please if you have any information contact Crimestoppers - 1800 333 000

or 

please call or email Detective Chris walker @ Maitland Detectives
Central Hunter LAC
Ph: (02)49340329 
walk1chr@police.nsw.gov.au

https://www.facebook.com/nbntelevision/videos/10155649407103331/?hc_ref=ARQtcBrHnTBPplF9IM2-NeDcpA4cR3a3wYginp1LJw4uceZcaaMQ3tuWzYyIzVGkvZs

I have no idea where to start with this post let alone how to even feel while writing this. I think I have rewrote this first sentence about 5 times because I don't even know to begin. Obviously by the title I'm going to inform everyone of my 4 year struggle with an eating disorder. This post will be quite in depth, graphic, long and very open. I'm giving you an insight on my struggle with bulimia and anorexia and where I am at now. The whole reason I am writing this is because I thought there was no way out that I would be stuck in this daily loop of constantly battling my mind and ruining my body for the peace of mind I never got. I want to reach out to people because lately I have realised that there are so many people and close people may I add that are also struggling or have struggled with the same issue that I have. I have to warn some of these photos are graphic it will show the extent of what I went to just to lose weight. This is not attention seeking in anyway what so ever this post is to simply express my thoughts, opinions and literally just to let everything out and hopefully reach out and help other people.

The first paragraphs are my story and struggle everything that I went through over those 4 years from where it started. It then moves onto recovery a bit further down so if you don't want to read my story as it may be triggering skip straight to the recovery side of things I will be doing a more in depth post on recovery as I don't want this post to be to long although it already is! 

WHERE IT BEGAN

So lets begin with where it all started.. gosh I sound like I'm writing a book haha. Anyway so back in 2013 I think I was in 10th grade at high school so 16 at the time, one day something clicked.. I never liked the way I looked I was over weight in my eyes weighing close to around the 70kg mark. I signed up to the gym I was 100 percent committed in going to lose the weight I needed to at this time I really wanted a tattoo and set a goal for myself that if I could lose 10-15kgs that I would reward myself with the tattoo that I wanted. I went to the gym over and over but I guess when you first start out you don't really see any results and I was probably ruining my weight loss by my poor eating and not having a very balanced diet. I remember one day laying on my bed and searching on google about eating disorders I think I tried to restrict myself from eating but it never really worked. The media plays a big part in body image when we are younger that I never grew to realise until I was much older. I started reading things online different forums of people who had eating disorders I found my self looking at all the tips and tricks on how to lose weight the fastest way possible, how to pretty have an eating disorder is what I was after. Now that I'm writing this I just can't believe the extent that I went to and honestly wish that I didn't. 

Once reading enough articles and posts I tried purging for the first time, it failed. It's really not as easy as everyone thinks trying to force yourself to be sick. So I left it, at that time I just thought well it won't work I guess not everyone can make themselves do that. Jumping back online I found more threads stating that it takes more then one time for it to become possible. I followed all the steps and eventually it worked for me. It was quite easy at the time to be able to do this after eating as I was home by myself a lot. I can't exactly remember how often I would do it but a few months down the track it became very very frequent so after every single thing I ate I would be straight into the bathroom. When my friends were over and I would eat about 10 minutes later I would be excusing myself to get it out of my body and it's not until I started seeing changes that it became more and more frequent. I dropped about 5kgs if not more within a month of purging all of my food and pretty much starving myself. 

It got worse as the weeks went by the weight started dropping and the eating disorder got worse I think this is when my mind starting over powering me with the thoughts of  'look how easy it is to lose weight like this' 'you can eat that but make sure you get rid of it after otherwise the weight will get put straight back on'. My mind controlled me, looking in the mirror controlled me and the number on the scale also controlled me more then I ever knew. 

By 11th grade I was down 15-20kgs but I wasn't happy it wasn't enough, by 12th grade I had dropped another 5kgs this is when I started suffering with anorexia I was living off one piece of toast a day I don't know how but I was literally starving myself I lived in fear of food and gaining weight I was obsessed with looking in the mirror or as they body checking I would also take a lot of photos, I would never post them anywhere especially if I was in a bikini because in my eyes I was fat, in everyone elses eyes I was sick but I used these photos to compare my weight loss.

It wasn't until December 2014 when I was in the waiting room at the doctors with my mum because I knew I had a problem, well actually I always knew I had a problem but I could never escape it nor talk about it. I was sick, very sick I needed help everyone around me knew I needed help so I went to do something.. I broke down and told the doctor everything but it was weird I kept saying that I wasn't underweight that I was fine. She asked me to get on the scale and honestly if my mum hadn't of been sitting there then I wouldn't. At 18 years of age I weighed 34.5kgs in 4 years I had lost 35.5 kgs and wanted to keep going I was pretty much starving myself to death. I never wanted to be admitted to hospital for recovery so I said I would do it on my own. In 2015/2016 the weight eventually starting to gain. I went from my lowest weight to around 45-50kgs but the disorder did not get any better the anorexia was gone but the bulimia was back. I maintained that weight for so long because I cut back my purging to only certain meals or if I had overeaten because I hated the feeling of being full. I fluctuated between 45-50kgs for a year and a half. 

RECOVERY 

It has taken me until 2017 April to finally start my journey of recovery I have tried to recover numerous amounts of times but would always relapse back into it. Eating disorders are powerful, real mental diseases that take over and totally disrupt lives and unless you have experienced having one then you would never understand how hard it really is. My partner has been 100% supportive of me throughout my struggle and telling him plus my mum was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I thought writing this post would be hard but sharing it will be even harder but I need to share my story I need people to know that it does get better there is a way out!! 

I am starting to eat proper meals but in much smaller sizes I have caused a lot of harm to my body and digestive system eating disorders can also cause infertility which I am also very very scared about but I have almost been a month free of b/p I can't say I have recovered but I am recovering.